My kind of fun :: Vivian and Theo

[THEODORE JACOB NOTT]

Madam Pince had something to say about the falling down the stairs, naturally. He was just thankful she thought he’d fallen and didn’t get shoved. If the Ravenclaw had said anything to Pince about it she didn’t seem to care very much. She probably figured he’d just hit his head during his fall. Theo snickered at the thought before Vivian said she was fine and thanked him. He hadn’t expected the thanks, but when they reached his ears he grinned at her all the same.

“You’re welcome,” he said, still grinning. Vivian may not have been able to feel but she certainly seemed to catch on to what people did and didn’t like when they were around her. Still, after that another silence grew between them. Theo could tell by the look on Vivian’s face that she was thinking about, and without much delay he found out what. His brows furrowed in confusion, but… the girl was right. Vivian had a reputation around school, even he knew that. But at the accusation that he’d thought she was a slut he narrowed his eyes slightly. He didn’t think that she was… okay maybe the thought had crossed his mind once or twice, but he tried not to really think about it.

Theo sighed slightly, shrugging his shoulders. Maybe it was the way Vivian acted when she decided she want to kiss a boy rather than how many times she’d actually kissed a boy. More likely than not though the answer was relatively obvious.

“People just like to spread a lot of rumors…” he began, “and a lot of stupid people choose to believe them, myself included.” He grinned slightly, a little upset with the fact that he had to call himself stupid, but he’d get over it. He sat there for a few minutes, once again wondering where this conversation could go. He didn’t really have much more of an answer to give her, and when Vivian had kissed him in the Potions room after being told that he didn’t want her too, Theo kind of found that that proved the rumors true. But he could tell from the look in Vivian’s eyes that, though she’d never admit it, she was hurt by the fact that so many people thought ill of her on something that wasn’t true. She wasn’t a virgin like AJ, and she didn’t sleep around as much as Daphne. Theo didn’t like the thought of Daphne’s sexual history considering everything that had happened between them lately. He would admit only to himself that he was a tad jealous of all of those men, and he wouldn’t pretend like her history didn’t exist. He would hang it over her head every chance he got.

After another small uncomfortable silence began to build Theo refused to allow it to happen.

“Think Madame Pince will ever find us up here?” he questioned, his eyes scanning the room below them for any signs of movement from the woman. There she sat at her desk, her nose buried in a book. How typical.

[VIVIAN HOPE BLACKWELL]

Vivian didn't really care what people said about her. And the incident with the Ravenclaw had been sorted, hadn't it? So it wasn't really a problem. Still, even though Vivian felt a lot less than a 'normal' person, and even though she struggled to understand people sometimes, she wasn't an idiot. She didn't have a mental deficit; she understood what was going on around her. Sometimes her understanding was clearer than others, because she wasn't hindered by being over emotional. A lot of people took for granted how much they used how the felt to understand other people, and communicate with them. With Theo, Vivian chose not to fake it, because she didn't have to. That didn't make her stupid.

But she shrugged it off, because she didn't care. That may have been her big problem, but hey, she wasn't the one getting bogged down in other people's opinions. They didn't effect her. Nobody else decided how to felt that day. "Sometimes people don't treat me like I'm a person." she said. Surprisingly for Vivian, she was tactful enough not to specifically say that sometimes Theo didn't treat her like a person. She didn't want to dwell on it. One of the great things about being an emotionless monster; her feelings didn't force unpleasant thoughts into her head.

"Probably not," she said, in regard to Madam Pince. "she's too stuck in her routine. She's been here longer than most of the books. And no students normally ever come up here." Madam Pince hadn't had a reason to come up here before, so she probably wouldn't come up here now.

[THEODORE JACOB NOTT]

Vivian said nothing to Theo's conclusion about the rumors, which worried him slightly. He knew it wasn't a great excuse, and probably not even true but he had tried. There was that usual distant tone to Vivian's tone, but thete was something about it that made Theo frown. She didn't seem to care about the rumors, but that didn't mean she didn't and Theo should have known that. He sighed inwardly, upset with himself for being so ignorant. He'd seen that Vivian could feel, he knew about her past, he should have known better. And Vivian's next words had him frowning even more.

"Who doesn't treat you like a person?" Theo asked astonished. It was a well-known fact that Vivian was always bored and seemed to lack emotions, but treating her like less than a person because of it? He couldn't imagine that. And then he realized that he treated Vivian differently. but he didn't treat her like less than a person, did he? He was inwardly conflicted with himself. Part of him was trying to justify his behavior, telling himself that he wasn't treating her differently ob purpose he was adjusting his behavior by how she acted, and the other part of him was disappointed that hed ever allowed himself to act like such an ass. He kept these feelings silent, however, allowing his question to hang in the air. He wasnt sure if he was one of the people who treated her that way, but he sincerely hoped that wasn't the case.

The conversation moved to madame Pince and Theo smirked as Vivian said she was older than most of the books. "Even if she tried she probably wouldn't make it up those stairs," he said with a small laugh. There was a loud thud from the floor below and Theo found a Slytherin boy with his head in a book. He wasn't sleeping as far as Theo could tell, but he wasn't sure if it was a product of the potion either. His eyes found the pitcher that had been placed on the table and frowned as he found it almost empty.

"Looks like I'll have to make you more of that so we can do this again," Theo said offering her a small smile.

[VIVIAN HOPE BLACKWELL]

Vivian didn't answer immediately as Theo asked her who didn't treat her like a person. The truth was that most people didn't. They would say horrible, hurtful things to her, but it wouldn't matter because Vivian wouldn't feel bad about it. But really, did that make it OK? Vivian didn't know. She didn't care either way about it. But she wondered sometimes. She knew she wouldn't always appreciate it if people treated her kindly, but then again, how would she know?

She giggled as the Slytherin down below seemed to face plant into his book, and put a hand over her mouth yet again to stifle the sound. Something about it being a Slytherin just made it that much more funny. Vivian didn't know if it was because Slytherins were usually trying to project a cool and collected image, or because there was a natural rivalry between her and her house-mates.

Vivian nodded as Theo said that he would have to make some more potion for her. "Yes, you will," she said, still smiling. She probably should have said 'yes, please', or acted more grateful, or prefaced it with a phoney 'oh really? You don't have to do that!' like most people did, even though everyone saw right through that. And every now and then Vivian would remind herself to throw in a thanks, but right now she was distracted. And besides, she didn't just want it for herself; it would be fun for Theo, too.

Her mind went back again to Theo asking her who didn't treat her like a person. Should she really answer that? Theo was pretty much her only friend, and she didn't want to push him away. But Vivian wasn't used to thinking things through like this, and it was unsettling. In the end, she decided that since Theo had been friends with her all these years, he must like the real her... ok, well maybe he could tolerate the real her. So she should act like herself.

"Sometimes you treat me like I'm stupid." Vivian said. She thought for a minute that maybe she should clarify, since a minute or two had passed since Theo had asked, and Vivian had a habit of speaking her mind without being clear. But then she figured that Theo would know what she was talking about. "When I don't understand something, because I don't feel it the same way you do. Just because I don't always get it, doesn't mean I'm stupid." she wrinkled her nose slightly, and looked away from Theo, gazing back out over the library. She didn't want to look him in the eye while she talked about her thoughts. "Or maybe its just that you see me as a dumb blonde." Maybe it wasn't anything to do with the fact that she didn't feel like he did. She'd had people assume they knew everything about her just by looking before.

"And I see you shudder when you look at me, sometimes. Or when I touch you." She shrugged, as if to say 'no big deal, but I noticed'. He had asked, after all. She could go on, but she decided to leave it there. Vivian may not feel bad about things other people said, but she knew Theo could. And a sad Theo was not a fun Theo.

"Of course, its not just you," she said, with a fake smile because she was trying to be 'nice', which she realised was important sometimes. "You're better than most, because you're my friend."

[THEODORE JACOB NOTT]

Vivian didn't respond to his question, which only furthered Theo's slight worry that he might be one of those people that didn't treat her like a human. He didn't like that feeling. He'd wanted to protect those he cared about, not make them feel inferior or less than human. The feeling didn't sit well with him, but as Vivian said he'd have to make her some more of that potion he simply grinned and nodded. It was a good answer, coming from Vivian. She didn't need to thank him or anything like that. Sometimes if something was offered and Vivian agreed it was just expected that she appreciated the gesture. Theo had grown used to not hearing thank you over the years. At first it bothered him and made him angry, but Now he didn't really think much of it at all. In fact, it was a rarer surprise when she did say thanks. That meant that she really did appreciate it, or she just remembered her manners for a brief second. In either case, Theo felt a bit more satisfaction when he was thanked by Vivian than almost anyone else.

But then Vivian's answer to his question finally arrived, and he wasn't sure how he felt about it. He immediately became angry with himself for treating like Vivian she was stupid. It wasn't how he meant to act at all. He didn't intentionally mean to treat her like she was stupid, or like she was a child. And at the mention of her being a dumb blonde he sighed bfeore shaking his head.

"You are not a dumb blonde. At all," Theo said. He couldn't tolerate people who faked being unintelligent for the sake of being considered 'adorable.' And it made him even angrier when they weren't actually faking it. He would much rather hold an intelligent conversation with depth than talk about air and explain things 10 times only to hear a giggle and have her still not get it. Vivian didn't do that, and she wasn't stupid. Well... she didn't really get top marks or ever hand in homework, but she certainly wasn't socially stupid. He was a little confused because, well, if you didn't know her her marks in classes would make you think she was stupid. But he knew her, and he knew that she wasn't. But then she explained what he meant and he sighed inwardly.

"I know you're not stupid, Vivian. And I don't mean to talk to you like you are. I know that you don't understand things because you don't feel them in the same way... but it's hard to explain feelings to someone who doesn't understand them. Feelings are a complicated mess. And I'm sorry if I seem like I'm treating you like you're stupid... It's really just a lack of ability to explain on my part," he said with a small shrug. Once again he felt like he was leaving something out, or not doing his best to explain things. Maybe he was just terrible at explaining things! It wouldn't surprise him, really. At the mention of his involuntary shudders Theo immediately began shaking his head.

"Viv... First off, the shudders when I look at you have nothing to do with you, I promise. They're just me and my brain. I just... I can't imagine not feeling anything the way you do. And sometimes it makes me think of death, which you may or may not have known, is my biggest fear. My boggart becomes my funeral and burial," he said speaking somewhat quickly, not wanting to think about it more than he already was. "And that's not to sound like you remind me of a dead person because you don't at all. But sometimes minds wander to unpleasant thoughts. I'm just sorry that it happens so much you've taken notice of it. And when you touch me it's usually just because I don't expect it. Let's be honest Viv, you're not the most touchy-feely girl in the world," he said with a light chuckle.

He didn't realize how many errors he'd made in their friendship just because of her inability to feel. He shouldn't have treated her any differently really, but he couldn't help it because there were just some things she couldn't understand. She said that he was better than most, which he really did appreciate. But he still felt a bit bad because that meant that other people treated her worse, like the walking dead.

"Well I'm glad that you've tolerated my rubbish this long," he said with a wink before grinning once more. He felt like this conversation had been good for both of them. Vivian got to tell him how much of an ass he'd been being, and he got to apologize for it (which, realistically, sometimes he wouldn't apologize for if Vivian hadn't been his friend, but she was).

[VIVIAN HOPE BLACKWELL]

Vivian listened silently as Theo spoke. She sensed that it was best not to interrupt, and to just let him get it out. And besides, she wanted to know, and she wanted to understand. Vivian rarely sat still and listened, and in fact Theo was one of the only people she ever really listened to. She pulled one leg up onto her armchair, and rested her chin on her knee, looking at him. He apologised, which she hadn't expected. She hadn't been looking for an apology, and she hadn't really thought he needed to apologise. She had just been saying how things were. But she supposed that apologising was Theo's way of saying he would try to do things differently. Because if you were sorry you did something, you'd try to be different. That was really what most people meant, when they apologised.

"I wish I could understand," she said, truthfully. It was frustrating, and sometimes made life more difficult. "But I don't wish that I felt more. I didn't like it, that time." she frowned again. Perhaps Theo would think less of her for not wishing to feel. Maybe he thought that she should want to feel things, that she should be trying to. But she couldn't bring herself to want to feel. She was sure there were good feelings to be had (why would everyone lie?) but those weren't the ones she expected, if she did start feeling again. Those types of feelings weren't for her type of person.

She nodded when Theo said that his biggest fear was death. "I know," she said, slightly surprising herself. She didn't remember Theo ever expressly telling her that his biggest fear was death. She looked back at him, and saw that he looked slightly upset. He clearly didn't like talking about it. So he wouldn't have told her, then. It must just be something she picked up, over the years. A hint, here and there. She couldn't remember if she'd ever seen his boggart. Vivian supposed she must take in more than she realised. She, along with everyone else, thought that she didn't notice anything about anyone. Well, maybe she didn't pick up on feelings right away, like most people could, but it seemed that certain things did have the ability to creep in and take root.

Most people did see Vivian as the walking dead. Hadn't she heard Daphne Greengrass said something to that effect? She wasn't sure, she hadn't cared at the time. Vivian wasn't dead, she was very clearly alive and well. Being different didn't make you dead.

Vivian smiled in response to Theo's chuckle, when he said that she wasn't a 'touchy feely girl'. "Well, sometimes I don't want to be touched, at all." she said shrugging again. She didn't know why that happened. Theo would probably have more insight on that then she did, but she said it as a throw away comment. Theo could take from it what he wanted, but Vivian wanted interested in her own psychology right now.

"You're welcome," she said, smiling, not realising how funny it sounded; as though Theo had been thanking her! Really, she should be thanking him. But Vivian knew that, and of course Theo would know that too. Theo was more preceptive than others gave him credit for. Just like Vivian was labelled the 'dumb blonde' by pretty much everyone, those outside of Slytherin often saw Theo as a typical Death Eater thug. They didn't know that Theo was smart, and excelled at potions. They didn't know that he could actually be pretty quiet, and didn't feel the need to join 'gangs' or gain approval and acceptance, like a lot of Slytherins did. He was more sensitive than he often liked to let on.

Vivian knew that a big reason for people thinking she was stupid was because of her marks in class. They assumed that Vivian thought she was too pretty to work. Like she wouldn't ever need to get a job; her looks would see her through. And that would probably be true, if Vivian wanted a rich husband she could find one, no problem. But Vivian didn't know how she could stand close proximity to a person like that. She didn't want what her mother had. Vivian didn't know what she was going to do after Hogwarts. And absolutely nobody knew the truth; that Vivian's low marks were down to severe Dyslexia. That words jumped around on the page, making studying impossible. She brushed it off, and simply made sure everyone thought that it was her choice she did badly. But the truth was very different.

Vivian wondered for a moment if she should tell Theo, but really, what good would that do? There was absolutely no reason to tell him. She didn't care if he knew or not; Theo might be offended if he found out that she had been keeping such a big secret for so long, but Theo had his secrets, and Vivian wasn't offended.