No flaws when you're pretending :: Theo [CLOSED]

[VIVIAN HOPE BLACKWELL]

Vivian walked slowly through the dungeon corridors, looking around her, thinking. She was wondering what she would do that day. She was looking for someone to talk to, someone to be entertained by. But Vivian took her time, because she knew that whoever she chose, they weren't going anywhere. She was used to people waiting for her. She was used to running the show, and being control. She was the centre of attention, and she loved it.

The tall blonde ran a hand through her hair, a gesture she did often, because it tousled her long shiny waves, and drew attention to her tresses. Her blonde hair was a distinctly Veela trait, and Vivian loved being part Veela.

If Vivian got bored enough she would chose someone at random and play with them as a cat would play with a mouse, until she'd had enough. She would tease and torture, and it would be fun. Some had called her a sociopath- she didn't think she was quite there yet. She understood human emotion, she just felt very little. And empathy and compassion were beyond her. Other people were a means to an end, as far as Vivian was concerned. Of course, that was all due to a rather traumatic childhood. But who cared, really, Vivian thought absently. Some would call it character building... not that you needed character, when you looked like Vivian. She smiled slightly to herself as she contemplated her own disturbing childhood with an eerie detachment.

It wasn't that Vivian wanted to be a bitch. Her M.O. wasn't to frighten people, or prove how tough she was. Or to prove anything to them, actually. Another thing she couldn't muster any feeling towards: other peoples opinions of her. As long as those opinions didn't get in the way of what she wanted, she just didn't care. And besides, opinions were so easily manipulated. This was why Vivian had such disdain for those who clambered over each other for the arbitrary title of 'Slytherin Princess'. Their desperation offended her. They were like little children... or like dogs, in a pack.

And so, Vivian didn't want to be a bitch. She just didn't see the point of being a good person, either. She wasn't immoral; she was amoral.

After what seemed like an age of boredom to Vivian, she finally saw a familiar face; Theodore Nott, a fellow Slytherin, and the closest thing to a friend Vivian had. Theo was fun. That was all that mattered, really.

"Theo," she said, as she approached, smiling sweetly. Vivian's voice had a slightly low pitch, which sounded both alluring and delicately bored. She never hurried when she spoke, and she very rarely raised her voice. She always seemed slightly bored, no matter what the situation. She never sounded agitated, but that was because she never was. "please, tell me you've got something entertaining to tell me."

[THEODORE JACOB NOTT]

Theo was on his way back from a solo Quidditch practice. With the year just beginning and having spent so much time away from the bludger it was nice to be able to go and practice for a bit. During a few of the Slytherin practices he’d taken some pretty rough hits, so it was nice to be able to reassure himself that he hadn’t lost his touch in the slightest, and that was just getting back into the swing of things. He’d been down there for a good two hours just practicing a few drills with the bludgers. Beater practice was one of those things you could do by yourself (snicker, snicker) because the bludgers always came back to you. If you were a chaser it was hard to practice without a Keeper, and as Keeper it was impossible to practice without a quaffle. But the bludgers, they were always there to seek their vengeance on the person who hit it (or the person it was hit at, of course).

He felt disgusting, he was sure he looked disgusting, and all he really wanted to do was shower. His curly brown hair was pushed back on his head and he donned a wifebeater and a pair of sweatpants after he changed in the locker room. The hot water of a shower was practically calling his name. What a tease. Because, as always, life seemed to have other plans for him when all he wanted to do was shower. As he rounded a corner he ran into none other than Vivian Blackwell, resident Slytherin part-veela, resident bro of Elliot and himself. He grinned at her as she practically whined about wanting something entertaining to hear. He let out a laugh before shrugging.

“Well… I smell, but I’m pretty sure that’s less entertaining and more unattractive. Alas, other than that I’m fresh out of entertainment, unfortunately,” he smirked. He whipped out his wand and waved it once, wordlessly using a spell to at least get rid of the smell. It worked like a charm (ha!). At least now even though he looked like a wreck he didn’t smell. The last thing Theo ever wanted to do was repulse anyone, and after a good Quidditch match or practice, he was pretty sure he could be pretty repulsive. Alas, he didn’t really care if he offended Vivian too much. She dealt with him and Elliot enough that he was sure she was used to their quirks already.

“What are you doing down here wandering around by yourself? Not looking for trouble, I hope…” Theo laughed. He knew that Vivian and Daphne didn’t get along very well. At all. But he really did hope the girls just wouldn’t go looking for one another and end in a screaming match or worse. Not that he’d ever object to a cat fight, but if one was lurking around looking for the other it meant he could miss it!

[VIVIAN HOPE BLACKWELL]

When Vivian got closer to Theo, she realised he was covered in sweat. Probably playing Quidditch again. Quidditch wasn't really Vivian's thing; she wasn't exactly a team player. She couldn't get excited about throwing a ball around. She didn't care if Slytherin won the Quidditch up or not. She wrinkled her small nose slightly as he smelled him, but then he waved his wand and the smell diminished. Theo looked pretty good, all windswept and sweaty. Vivian took a moment to enjoy that.

Theo knew what Vivian was like. He, and Eli, knew that she didn't really subscribe to the 'human emotion' thing. He didn't know why, but he knew. So she didn't have to pretend, like she did around a lot of people. If she let everyone know she just really didn't give a damn about them, then they may not like her, and then they wouldn't do what she wanted. But Theo was cool. He just took her as she was.

Vivian shrugged, leaning against the wall next to Theo. "Maybe," she said, in response to his asking her if she was looking for trouble. She said it as though he had asked her if she was going to get lunch. Trouble could be fun, and Vivian just didn't see what the big deal was, beyond that. Suddenly she realised that Theo was getting at something; she was good at reading people, but she couldn't empathise, so sometimes it was hard for her to realise when someone else was feeling or thinking about something. She looked at him carefully, and tried to think.

"You've been spending a lot of time with the Greengrass girl." she said. She was pretty sure it was the older one, Daphne. Vivian really didn't care about Daphne, or what Theo did with her, as long as she still had Theo's attention when she wanted it. And if Daphne messed with Theo, she would be in trouble. It wasn't that Vivian would be upset if Theo got hurt, but Theo was her 'friend', and everyone knew that. If Daphne Greengrass messed with Theo, she was messing with Vivian's territory.

She would never demean herself by fighting the girl, but it wouldn't come to that. When angered, Veela's were notorious for turning ugly fast. A true Veela would transform into something similar to a Harpie, and attack their enemies, launching balls of fire from their hands. As a part Veela, Vivian didn't turn into a Harpie. But she could be deadly and ferocious when angered, with a cold calculating demeanour that was frightening. Vivian was also adept at any magic involving fire, or fuelled by anger. People didn't fight Vivian.

Vivian took her enemies down with words, or by turning others against them. But unless she was extremely bored, it wasn't worth her time.

"You haven't forgotten about me, have you?" she said, in that low, bored, and effortlessly sultry voice. She liked to tease Theo, but it was harmless. "Lets do something fun, Theo. I'm bored." she pouted slightly. Theo knew better than anyone, Vivian hated being bored.

In truth, Vivian also wanted a distraction. She was in danger of getting another detention for incomplete homework. Being locked in a room for hours, or made to do a menial task, was torture for Vivian. That was definitely boring. Nothing was worse than boring. But she couldn't just complete the homework; Vivian was dyslexic, but absolutely no one knew that. She refused to admit it to her teachers. Instead she just said that homework was boring and pointless, and was perceived as insolent and lazy.

[THEODORE JACOB NOTT]

Theo smirked when she mentioned she might be looking for trouble. Typical Vivian. She’d gotten bored again, and Merlin knew that was never a good thing. He watched as her face contorted into one of though, and he kept his stoic expression as he wondered what she was thinking. Her next words revealed exactly what she was thinking though, and Theo grinned slightly.

“I spend a lot of time with both of the Greengrass sisters,” he said with a laugh, “I’d call you jealous, but that means you’d actually have to have,” he paused, gasping as his eyes widened and he his hands up to near his mouth as if he were biting his nails, “feelings!” he half-whispered through a laugh before shrugging slightly. “Nah, but Daphne’s fun. Well, sometimes. Sometimes she can be a right priss.” He laughed again before shaking his head before his eyes and thoughts focused on her once more. If it was one thing Vivian loved it was your undivided attention, but on occasion Theo liked to mess with her and give her the exact opposite of what she wanted. He rather enjoyed doing that to a lot of people, really.

“Besides, I’m sure you don’t actually care about what I do with Daphne. You’ve no interest in me, after all,” he waggled his eyebrows suggestively in her direction. Not that Daphne was necessarily interested in him either. Oh who were they both kidding, she totally was. Maybe? Damn that girl! He could never be completely sure about her. Perhaps that’s why she was so intriguing to him.

At Vivian’s next question he found himself smirking once more. “Forget about you, Viv? C’mon, what kind of friend do you take me for?” He pouted gently in her direction before inhaled through his nose and exhaled out of his mouth. Sometimes he wondered about Vivian. What made her tick, what made her feel so bored all the time. Surely, being part Veela, she had guys falling all over the place for her. Then again, perhaps she didn’t find sucking the innocence from guys fun in the same way the Greengrass sisters seemed to. Vivian used people, Theo knew that, but to what extent he wondered. All Vivian seemed to care about was that she had fun, and had a good time, but sometimes Theo had trouble figuring out what exactly Vivian thought was fun. The girl practically didn’t feel! How was he supposed to know what she thought was fun?

“Well what do you have in mind? I’m a gross mess, so I’d rather not go anywhere in public,” he began, but paused, not really sure where to continue to. Vivian was the kind of girl who always needed to be doing something, and sometimes, like right now, Theo just wasn’t that kind of person. Merlin, all the guy wanted was a shower, but he wasn’t about to invite Vivian to have fun doing that. He practically shuddered at the thought. I mean Viv was gorgeous (hello, she’s ¼ Veela), but just not really Theo’s type. Theo had feelings, and he liked to have them reciprocated. He smiled slightly at the thought before deciding to speak up again. And then he thought of something that he thought was fun that Vivian just might enjoy, too. She hated schoolwork, that much Theo knew was true, but did she hate experiments? He snickered lightly.

“I promise you this is about to sound a lot more lame than it is, but, we can go brew some random potions or something, see what we can come up with?” Theo threw out the suggestion, not really sure whether or not Vivian would bite. She seemed so… fickle about everything. But Potions was something that Theo enjoyed, and something that he excelled at immensely. He loved seeing what new kinds of concoctions he could whip up in a certain amount of time, whether they be alcoholic or not. On more than one occasion he’d accidentally had an explosion or two, but he’s good about cleaning up after himself, and making sure that no one else can hear what’s going on. Thank Merlin for silencing charms! They were good for all sorts of uses, if you know what I mean.

[VIVIAN HOPE BLACKWELL]

Vivian giggled as Theo suggested she might have feelings, in a mock dramatic way. He could be too funny sometimes. He was one of the only people who ever made her laugh. A lot of jokes just washed over Vivian with no effect what so ever.

She raised an eyebrow, looking slightly confused as Theo talked about Daphne. "Daphne's fun?" she said, quizzically, with that look on her face she got when trying to understand another person. "Your kind of fun." she concluded, with a slight nod, sure she had got it. Vivian's kind of fun and Theo's kind of fun often differed greatly. But Vivian liked it when they had her kind of fun. She giggled again as Theo said Daphne was a 'priss'. That was funny. But she was glad when Theo turned his attention wholly back to her.

She smiled again as Theo said that he wouldn't forget about her. That was good. She didn't want to be forgotten. But then again, Vivian was sure she was pretty unforgettable. She was beautiful, and she was fun. You didn't forget that, right?

Vivian looked at Theo, confused again as he said he didn't want to be seen in public right now. But he was in public? And he looked good. Well, not good in the groomed sort of way. Good in the hot, sweaty kind of way. Then she realised (it often took Vivian a second) that he would prefer to look groomed, and wanted a shower. She smiled, wickedly, as she thought of Theo in the shower.

Vivian pushed herself off the wall, and stood in front of Theo. She snaked her arms around his waist, and pressed herself against him, teasing him. "You want a shower." she said playfully, still smiling "That could be fun. That wouldn't be boring." She bit her lip, and then gave him a quick peck on the lips. Vivian didn't understand the meaning this sort of thing had to some people. She just did what she wanted.

Giggling slightly again, Vivian let go of Theo and stepped away. She ran a hand through her hair, looking around as though nothing had happened. Pretty much the only feelings Vivian experienced were sexual, but they could vanish as quickly as they appeared. She looked at Theo expectantly. She was getting bored again, and it was time for him to suggest something to entertain her.

She wrinkled her nose as Theo opened by saying that his suggestion would sound lame. She kept the sceptical look on her face as she thought over his idea to go and experiment with potions... then her mind opened to the possibilities, and experimenting was interesting. Her face broke into a smile, and she grabbed Theo's hand. "Lets go!" She said, dragging him quickly towards the potions rooms.

[THEODORE JACOB NOTT]

Theo let out a laugh as Vivian said that Daphne was his kind of fun. She had it about right. Daphne was his kind of fun. She was also an enraging thorn in his side. And yet no matter how much it twisted he never felt himself too compelled to get rid of it completely.

“She certainly is,” he said simply, his grin never falling. He and Vivian shared different kinds of fun, and he loved Vivian’s kind of fun, too… Just, not with Vivian. Vivian was one of his best friends, not… not like that. It was a little like Elliot and AJ. He made a slight face at the thought, and the next thing he knew Vivian’s hands were snaked around his waist and she was pressed against him. He let out a little bit of an uncomfortable laugh at their closeness, but the heat that raced through his entire body told him he wasn’t exactly too uncomfortable with the idea. Damn hormones. He always was a sucker for a pretty girl, and Vivian was certainly one of the prettiest. If she wasn’t blonde Theo might have even thought she was – Vivian mentioned that Theo needed a shower and every train of thought he had was lost when her lips met his quickly.

As soon as she pulled away his eyebrows scrunched together and his jaw hung open. Really? Really?! He stood still for a moment, knowing that Vivian just did whatever she wanted without a care in the world, but… really?! She ran a hand through her hair, looking as if nothing had happened, and he almost wanted to hex her, just to see what would happen. It’s what he would have done if it were anyone else, except maybe Daphne. The thought of kissing her was actually quite pleasant, but Vivian?! Ugh! He closed his mouth gently before shaking his head. “Ah, I don’t think that’s in the cards for you, dear,” he said, attempting to brush off the awkward moment the best he could. And trust me, awkward was the calmest word Theo could use to describe it. He heaved a deep sigh before shaking his head.

“And let’s not have a repeat of that, shall we? It was weird,” he replied honestly, knowing that lying to Vivian was stupid and pointless. She didn’t care what other people thought of her, and the only person she cared about was herself, so Theo was outwardly honest with her all the time (then again he was like that with a lot of people). And soon enough she was the one grabbing him by the hand, clearly fed up in annoyance at her boredom. Really? She kisses him and now his standing around is an inconvenience? Merlin he could murder the girl sometimes. He narrowed his eyes slightly at the back of her head before heaving another exasperated sigh as they arrived at one of the dungeon classrooms. If the Potions professor ever found out about all the times he, and he and Elliot, had been in there brewing their own alcoholic concoctions and other things they’d get more points away from Slytherin than they had. Was it even possible to go negative into points? Theo would rather not find out, so as they entered the Potions room he waved his wand, and with a muttered incantation the room was now silenced from the inside. Nobody on the outside would be able to hear if there were any explosions. The silencing charm made it easy to practice his guitar without anyone hearing, as well.

He glanced around at all the viles and beakers that were spread across the room and for a brief moment he felt like a little kid in the candy store.

“So what kind of mess should we cook up today, eh, Viv?” he questioned, walking over to a blue beaker, “an advanced babbling beverage? Exploding fluid? Felix felicis? The room is our oyster.”

[VIVIAN HOPE BLACKWELL]

Vivian shrugged as Theo said that he didn't want a repeat of what had happened, and that it was weird. His honesty didn't phase her. She didn't mind at all if he didn't like it. He was still her friend. So what did it matter?
"Sure," she said, as though it was nothing. She liked his blunt honesty, and she liked when people didn't try to protect her feelings (ha-ha). It could be confusing when they didn't just say what they meant.

Soon she had dragged Theo to the potions room. She walked over to a desk and pulled herself up on it. She sat down cross legged, and picked up a jar of ingredients, turning it over in her hands. She looked back up at Theo, and thought about what she wanted to make.

"Alcohol." she said "Something good, for me." she smiled, and actually looked endearing for a moment. "And something fun. Something to use on other people. For our fun, not for theirs." she added, wrinkling her nose. Something for other peoples fun. That would be something! She almost laughed. "And something for you." she said, as an afterthought, smiling again. She was trying to be thoughtful, and nice to her friend, show that she cared about him. Of course, it was fake, but she tried. It was the thought that counted right? She thought for a moment, and then added "As long as its fun." She didn't want to make something for Theo if it was going to be boring.

She thought for a moment about what Theo had said before, in the corridor, about what she did being 'weird'. Vivian had said she wouldn't do it again, but she wasn't sure that was true.

"Unless I get really bored." She said, as though they were just continuing the conversation without a break. Then she realised that Theo may not understand, and clarified; "I won't do the 'weird' thing again unless I get really bored. Or really horny." she said it so casually, and was so absolutely unembarrassed, that it was off-putting. It was one of those moments where Vivian didn't seem entirely normal. It was like she was saying that if she was hungry, she'd eat. She knew full well that no matter how 'weird' Theo thought it was afterwards, she could make him do what she wanted. She was beautiful, he was a boy. It was as straight forward as that. And for her it wouldn't change their relationship at all. She couldn't see why it would make things weird for Theo.

[THEODORE JACOB NOTT]

Vivian took a seat on the desk and snapped out what she wanted to make, and he let out a small laugh, nodding. Looks like he’d be the one doing all the work, but that was fine by him. He loved Potions work and the more experimenting the better. She listed off something for her, something to be used on other people (to be used against them), and something for himself. It was a simple enough request, except for that last part.

“You got it,” he said, glancing around at the different ingredients, wondering what in the world he could make to fit into those three categories. Three different kinds of alcohol, all with different purposes, all of which, of course, included fun. He inhaled, deciding to work on something for Vivian first. He yanked several vials off of the shelves before getting out a cauldron. It landed roughly on the table with a loud clang, and Theo smirked as he walked across the room to gather a few more Potions bottles. Red, green, purple, all looked sufficient. He started on the other ingredients then, going through a few of the drawers and tugging out things here and there, he knew the room like the back of his hand. He spent enough time down here concocting his own stuff. He chopped up a few of the ingredients with ease, placing them into the cauldron. He added one color, a few more ingredients, and the potion was gold, and plenty alcoholic. He grinned at his concoction, knowing it would make Vivian feel plenty good about everything (as if she didn’t already! Oh wait….).

He waved his wand and transfigured one of the empty glass beakers into a flask with a wave of his wand and another muttered incantation. He poured the dull, golden potion out of the cauldron into the flask. It was a mixture of three different types of alcohol, and a tiny bit of felix felicis. He figured that’d be enough to make her feel good about herself, hopefully keep her entertained, and get her plenty knockered. He grinned at his success before walking back across the room, and handing it to her.

“I dub it Vivian Felicis,” he grinned goofily before he realized he hadn’t been wearing any goggles. Call it instinct or wanting to keep his dashing good looks intact, if something went wrong he wanted to keep himself looking just as good as he did now. Last thing he needed was for his eyebrows to get singed off or something. What a laugh that would be. He walked over to the side of the thing and grabbed a pair of goggles, pulling them over his curly hair and his eyes with a sigh before walking back over to the table for a second potion. This one would be undoubtedly more hard to decide what to make, but Vivian started talking again non sequitur and Theo turned his head to face her, brows furrowed in confusion. She explained her statement quickly and Theo made an ‘ah’ motion with his mouth before nodding. Glorious, he thought sarcastically before shaking his head and turning back to thinking about what kind of potion he would brew next.

“Well thanks for the heads up. Hopefully these will keep you entertained,” he said before something clicked and he decided what potion he would make next. Vivian wanted to use it on other people, so he had to be careful what he’d make her. Couldn’t be anything involving Amortentia or Veritaserum. That’d be like single-handedly handing her the key to destruction of the entire male population. He smirked at the thought, Daphne and AJ would be beyond livid. It was a slightly pleasant, but fleeting thought as he put kept the colored vials out and put the rest of the ingredients away, and pulling out a few more vials. A wicked grin spread across his face as he pulled out a few more ingredients, chopped them, and mixed them. He used his wand to stir the potion without ever going near it, and after about two minutes of waiting a puff of purple smoke billowed from the top.

He grinned, transfiguring another flask, and pouring it inside. He walked over to Vivian, his eyes serious.

“This alcohol is mixed with a very minute amount of confusing and befuddlement draught, so whoever you give it to will become confused,” he said before he pointed his wand at the flask, wordlessly turning the top of the flask from silver to gold. “That’s to differentiate it from the other one I gave you. I’ll be watching you, Viv. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.” He grinned at her, as if his threat actually meant anything to her. It didn’t, he knew, but he at least had to try and get his point across, right? But, still, he meant his threat whether she took it seriously or not. If she used it on the wrong person (Let’s be honest the only person he didn’t want her using it on was Daphne) she’d have him to deal with, and he doubted she’d like that very much. If Vivian were to use the potion on Daphne, he knew it would get back to the fact that he’d given it to her, and that would cause a riff with Daphne that he didn’t really need. They were pissed off at each other enough on a daily basis they didn’t need an actual reason to fight. So, the threat remained, whether or not she cared.

He turned back to the glance at the potions table and it was only then that he realized he hadn’t a clue what he wanted to make for himself. He wasn’t hard to please. A good kick and a lot of alcohol and he’d be fine, but obviously Vivian demanded it be fun, which meant that, obviously, it would have to have something else in, but what. He turned back to face Vivian as he shrugged his shoulders.

“Any suggestions on what I should make for myself? I seem to be all out of ideas,” he said before turning around to glance around the room again, hoping something might catch his eye.

[VIVIAN HOPE BLACKWELL]

Vivian could have easily been bored watching Theo working. There wasn't anything for her to do really, and she was just sitting there and watching. But it was interesting watching Theo work. She went into a calm, almost trance like state. It was very unusual for Vivian, but Theo had seen it before. When something was engaging, she just liked to watch, silently. She only spoke when she voiced her thoughts about how she would get 'weird' with Theo, if she so wanted.

She grinned when Theo handed her the 'Vivian Felicis'. "Perfect," she said, forgetting to say thank you, as she almost always did. All the Vivian wanted was for things to go her way. And this would ensure that. It was just right for her. If she could have felt happy, she would be feeling it now.

Next, Theo made something she could use on others. An alcoholic drink that would confuse anyone who drank it. She took it with a far away look on her face, thinking about who she could use it on. "Yeah, sure," she said, absently, as Theo said he'd be watching her, and who she used it on. Vivian would use it on whoever she wanted, and there was no point in pretending otherwise. If Theo wanted to stop her from using it on certain people Vivian didn't mind that. She might even let him stop her, if he really did care.

Theo went back over to his cauldron, and seemed to be thinking hard what to make next. Vivian had forgotten that he was going to make something for himself too. Instead he was thinking about what he had said about not wanting her to do the 'weird' thing again, and that hopefully it wouldn't happen. That was very strange... most boys definitely wanted to do 'weird' stuff with her. Except they didn't call it weird; they called it other things. She was confused, and looked at Theo, watching him carefully. She knew it wasn't about the way she looked. It was genetically impossible for her to be anything other than beautiful. So why didn't he want her, when everyone else did?

"What's wrong with me, Theo?" she asked. She wasn't upset, or annoyed, or anything, really. It was just a simple question. But it was asked honestly. It was one of the rare moments when Vivian wasn't just a sociopath with Veela blood. She was a person. She was a girl who had been made this way. She looked at Theo, her face still mostly blank, except for her eyes; anyone who looked close enough- usually really close- would see that Vivian's eyes were never truly blank.

She wasn't accusing Theo of anything. She just wanted to know, was there really something wrong with her? She was mostly just confused. All thoughts of Theo's potion had gone, as she watched him, waiting.

[THEODORE JACOB NOTT]

Vivian took his first person with no thank you, which he expected, and she accepted the second with an absent-minded look in her eye that told him she probably hadn’t heard a thing he’d said. But, he’d stand by his words whether she heard them or not, and she knew that. He was used to her lack of feelings, manner, her detachment from any kind of emotion. At least he thought she was detached from all kind of emotion, until her question brought him out of his train of thought. He’d been trying to figure out what in the world he wanted to make for himself, but all of his thoughts of any kind of preparation were abandoned as he looked up from his cauldron to face her. He lifted the goggles from his eyes, his brows furrowed.

Was she upset? She didn’t seem like it. Then again, she never did, but… she cared? That was odd. Why did she want to know? A million questions shot through Theo’s head in a matter of seconds, the most prominent of which was – how do you explain to someone who was part veela who was also someone that couldn’t seem to comprehend emotion that you weren’t interested in them?

“There’s nothing wrong you with you, Viv,” he said, and yet he knew what she was asking about, and that it would need a bit more explanation than that. It wasn’t that she wasn’t pretty. She was gorgeous…Theo just… He didn’t want her. He was attracted to her, certainly, but he wouldn’t let himself act on it. He had self-control. Maybe it was because he knew that she felt little to not attachment to things. Then again, he’d had flings before. He’d bedded girls then kicked them out, he’d kissed girls while feeling no attachment to them whatsoever. He loved the attention the girls gave him, but there was something about Vivian.

He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He shut his mouth again, wondering how to approach the subject, and that’s when he realized the answer. He sighed, laughing a bit at the end. He left the cauldron abandoned and walked a bit closer to her, a grin on his face. “I know you too well, Vivian. If I wanted to do all that stuff with you we wouldn’t be friends. I’d be another one of your helpless victims, groveling at your feet. And, as you know, I don’t grovel for anyone.” He winked at her before laughing and glancing around the room again, hoping not to repeat whatever happened in the corridor. He glanced back at her flasks, picking up the one with the silver cap and placing in her hand.

“Drink up. You’ll feel better,” he said with a grin, trying not to think too long on the word feel. Vivian didn’t feel, that was entirely her problem. She cared about no one but herself, and Theo knew that. So as close as he was to Vivian, he knew he had to keep his distance, too. He didn’t know whether she would turn on him to get something she wanted, something fun.

[VIVIAN HOPE BLACKWELL]

Vivian listened to Theo, and watched him carefully as he spoke. She tried to see if she felt anything about it, but it was difficult. She frowned, and shook her head as Theo handed her the flask with the lid open. "No," she said, meaning that that wasn't what she meant and what she wanted. She wanted to continue this conversation. But she did want some of her special drink too, so she drank some absently. It was good, and made her feel warm. Almost like being happy. She liked the thought that it would also make things go her way.

"No, Theo, you're lying." she continued. Vivian knew that she wouldn't turn Theo into a 'helpless victim'. That didn't make sense. It was up to him if he was a helpless victim or not. Things wouldn't be made weird or different for her, so they would still be friends. She didn't understand how it could be as complicated as Theo was making it out to be. She was frustrated, because she didn't understand. She knew there was something Theo wasn't saying, and she didn't like that.

"What's wrong with me?" she repeated, again. "I'm different, Theo. And I don't mean more beautiful," Vivian spoke about her beauty like it was nothing, because to her it was just a given. She was beautiful, she was the most beautiful, and she liked that, but it had always been that way. She took it for granted.

Vivian hadn't always been the way she was. But she didn't remember a time when she wasn't. She had been too young. So she didn't understand. She could see that other people reacted to things differently, and she had long ago come to the conclusion that they couldn't all be acting. She had learned to act, but not everyone could be. Because if everyone was like her, why would they want to act? She was different.

If she had had feelings, they would be hurt as Theo lied to her, and dismissed her. She was trying to understand something. She felt like she was skirting along the edge of something within herself, something she didn't understand and didn't know. It was so close, but at the same time it felt like it was a million miles away. Like it was in another dimension, or something. Was that feeling?

Theo didn't want her. That seemed to be a fact. Well, sometimes he wanted her, but that was despite himself. And Theo was her friend, right? So he had to tell her the truth. He had to tell her why he didn't want her.
"What's wrong with me, Theo?" she asked again, staring straight at him, frowning slightly as she tried to understand. It was as though she was trying to remember something she had forgotten a long time ago.

[THEODORE JACOB NOTT]

Vivian refused his suggestion to drink the concoction he’d whipped up for her, and his brows furrowed in confusion. It wasn’t like Vivian to be like this. It wasn’t like her to be so… defiant, and not laugh everything off. That’s what they always did. Well, that’s’ what Theo always did. He’d laugh things off and move on, but Vivian didn’t seem to want to move on from this, and that worried him. It worried him and confused him. It was the first time he’d ever seen Vivian display anything close to being upset about anything, but she took a sip of her drink absentmindedly despite refusing to do so. When she said that he was lying just jaw dropped once more, his eyebrows staying furrowed in confusion. Girl was mental! What was she getting on about?

Theo inhaled before exhaling. Frustration built within him as he thought about her telling him he lied to her. No, he hadn’t. But, then again, Vivian wasn’t quite used to getting rejected. They’d hung out plenty of times, and sure, in the beginning, Theo drooled over her like everyone else. But after he found out what she was like, she was definitely fun enough to hang out with but… to do anything else with someone was just so… wrong, and weird, and odd, and bad. All negative connotations. Nothing good would result from doing anything with Vivian. It would just make him feel awkward about her, and that’s what bugged him most. Because he would feel awkward, and she would feel nothing. She always felt nothing.

“I’m not lying, Viv. Just because you don’t like what I have to say doesn’t mean it’s not true,” he persisted, his eyes narrowing slightly as she said that she was different, and that she didn’t mean more beautiful. She was right, and perhaps she was beginning to understand what he thought about her. Or maybe that was just the drink working. Damn he was good, but at what price? The beverage worked like a charm, but did he really want to have to try and explain this to someone who was used to having everything handed to her, to having everyone nod yes like they didn’t have a brain inside their skull. Theo sighed once more, placing his thumb and forefinger to his forehead in thought on how he wanted to handle it. He wouldn’t lie to her. He hadn’t lied to her, but he hadn’t told her the whole truth, either, and at the repetition of her question he knew he’d have to give her the answer she so longed for, whether it was because he was trying to be a good friend to her or because of that damn drink he didn’t know, but it didn’t matter much.

“You are different, Vivian. But there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just… detached. You don’t care about anything. You don’t feel anything for anyone, and while us kissing and hooking up and having sexy and stuff. You might think it’s all fun and games, but I feel things, Vivian. I actually feel a lot of things, and I’ve slept with plenty of girls, sure. A lot of them I’ve felt nothing toward, but you I feel something toward. You’re my friend and sleeping with you would be weird. Kissing you was weird because we’re around each other too much. You’re like... You’re like one of the guys, I see you the same way I see Elliot. You think I’m gonna go anywhere near Elliot to kiss and have sex? Never, not in a million years, even if you paid me. So, even though you’re bloody gorgeous, I can’t see you in the way you’d like me to. I just can’t,” he replied simply, a little bit more harshly than he’d intended to, really. He inhaled once more, letting it all out in an exasperated sigh.

“I know you’re not used to hearing no, kid, but you gotta hear it sometime. I just can’t see you like that. And anyway, I didn’t mean to upset you,” he paused, grinning at her, “I know you think you don’t have feelings, but you were clearly distraught at my rejection.” He let out another laugh, trying to just move past the awkward tension he could feel building around him.

[VIVIAN HOPE BLACKWELL]

Vivian was still frowning as Theo tried to explain. He looked flustered, and again, she didn't understand. It was a simple question, why wasn't it easy to answer? Had she not been clear enough? She didn't understand, but for the first time she was aware that her not understanding was a sign of something more. Her brow furrowed, and her nose wrinkled slightly, and she just stared at Theo, listening. She was starting to get the impression Theo didn't like her very much. Again she thought that if she had had feelings, they would be hurt.

Her eyes widened slightly as Theo talked about Vivian not having feelings. No one ever talked about it. At least not to her. No one ever described it, or acknowledged it. It was very strange, and she wasn't sure what to make of it. She had always known that Theo knew she didn't feel, but it was different having him say it out loud. For the first time, she started to feel like there was something wrong with her... well, no, not feel. That was the wrong word, wasn't it? That was the point.

She thought back to her childhood, how her step-father would molest her and her jealous mother would beat her. On and on and on it went. A vicious circle. Had that broken her? She didn't feel sad or hurt over it. She didn't feel bad. She supposed she was supposed to though, wasn't she? Was that it? Was she broken?

This was all very heavy territory. If only Theo had just wanted to have sex with her, like every other red blooded man in this castle. Vivian was frustrated at trying so hard to understand, and not being able to.

She closed her eyes, just for a moment, trying to feel something. But she didn't know what she was looking for. She stopped, and opened her eyes again, and found Theo looking at her. Vivian looked away, and turned on the table, laying down on the long desk, looking up at the ceiling.

"Am I bad, Theo?" she asked, quietly. Her voice was still as blank and emotionless as always, except now there was a hint of vulnerability. "I don't know why I don't feel things. Am I bad?"

She didn't want to look at Theo, so she spoke to the ceiling, "You can leave if you want. I won't feel bad about it." Her voice was flat, and hallow.

[THEODORE JACOB NOTT]

Theo could see the frustration in Vivian’s eyes as she tried to understand what Theo was saying. He couldn’t imagine not feeling anything. Feeling happiness, even feeling sadness. If at the death of his mother he just felt nothing… it would be a sad existence indeed. So a part of Theo empathized with the girl. It wasn’t her fault. Or, maybe it was, Theo didn’t really know her whole backstory. Like him, she kept it quiet. In fact, he knew almost nothing about her home life before Hogwarts, but he rarely wanted to ask about it because that meant he might have to talk about his. And the last thing he ever wanted to talk about was his past. He watched as her eyes widened, and he felt bad about what he was saying, but he wouldn’t lie to her. She wanted to know the truth about why he didn’t want her, and he told her. She was only a ¼ veela, and she was a great girl, but she was one of his best friends, one of the guys, and far too detached from everything. Theo wouldn’t know how to deal with someone like that in bed because… well because was one of the guys! He heaved a small sigh at her question, and he immediately began shaking his head no.

“Of course you’re not bad Vivian,” he said immediately, taking a few steps closer to the desk as lied on top of it. Her voice was laced with disappointment, or something else he couldn’t quite pinpoint, but it wasn’t the usual Vivian voice, that much he knew. “It’s just how you are, and the people who matter will look past it, and the prats don’t deserve the time of day from a girl like you.”

When she said that he could leave, he frowned slightly. For a girl that couldn’t’ feel anything she was sure doing a good job of making him feel bad for her. And that’s when he realized, what if this was all a ploy? What if all of it was to reach the end she wanted? He inhaled quietly through his nose and hoped that wasn’t the case. He looked at her, studying her carefully, his eye slightly narrowed.

“Well I would feel bad, so I’m not going to leave you here in… whatever state that it is you’re in,” he said quietly, turning back to the cauldron and beginning to clean it up. He wasn’t sure what more there was he could say, but he wouldn’t leave her alone. He was gentleman enough not to abandone those he cared about. He wanted to say something, anything to ease this terribly awkward silence that had built around them, but he wasn't sure what more he could do or say to make the girl who couldn't, or refused to, feel any better.

[VIVIAN HOPE BLACKWELL]

Vivian was scowling at the ceiling. She was... she was.... she was something, but she didn't know what! She didn't feel it! It was frustrating, and confusing, and alien to her! Vivian didn't entirely believe Theo when he said that she wasn't bad. She didn't feel bad, but she didn't feel good, either... hah! What sort of joke was that? She didn't feel anything at all!

But she could think. She couldn't feel it, but she could still think. She had the capacity to realise what she should be feeling. Maybe this frustration was a feeling? But it seemed like it was coming more from her head than from her heart. If she even had a heart.

Theo said that he wouldn't leave, because she was in a state. She sat up and swung her legs over the side of the desk, away from Theo. She stood up, and started striding around the potions room. She was in a state? She didn't even know what it meant to be in a state! If he wanted a 'state', she would give him one.

She let out a cry of anger... fake cry of anger. She picked up a glass vile, and threw it against the wall. It shattered. "You want a state, Theo?!" she yelled "You want to see the monster get angry?! If I had feelings, they'd be hurt! If I could cry, I would be!!" She was breathing hard. She had been walking towards him as she screamed at him, and now her body was rigid. But then the harsh breathing stopped. She relaxed. Her face turned blank. "And if I could feel anger, that's what it would look like." she said, her voice emotionless.

Vivian cleared the space between them in two steps, and threw her arms around Theo's neck. She kissed him, hard and passionately. Nothing like the peck she had given him earlier. She crushed her body against his. She wound her fingers in his hair. And then she stopped. Then she backed away.

"And if I wanted to make you want me," she said, in a low voice "I could."

She wanted him to understand. That wasn't what this was about. "I know I should feel things, Theo," she said, in a tired sounding voice. "I know. You think I don't, but I do." She ran a hand through her long hair. Mentally, she was exhausted. Emotionally, she didn't have the capacity to be exhausted. "I just don't understand."

She picked up the bottle of 'Vivian Felicis' that Theo had made her, and wondered for the hundredth time if love was as nice as everyone said it was. She wondered if passion was exciting. She wondered if pain was soul crushing. And she wondered if she would ever be able to want any of those things. No amount of this drink would give her the answer. Or maybe she didn't need any felicis, in any capacity. Maybe she was lucky not to feel. She would never know.

Vivian seemed calm again, but the truth was she had always been calm. Throughout this whole exchange, she had been calm. Mentally, she had been thrown about. Emotionally, there had been nothing.